A Plan for Failure
Failing feels like a loss.
Failing gracefully feels like part of the plan all along.
None of us wants to fail when we set out for a day trip adventure with our families, but things don't always go as planned.
When we imagine a day out with our kids, failure is probably the furthest thing in your mind. So when it happens, we are typically not prepared to deal with any degree of failure. If we aren’t prepared to deal with it, our entire day can quickly spin out of control.
Photo by Andre Hunter on Unsplash
Reasons For Failure
There is an uncountable number of reasons failure can happen, but it might be good to talk about some of the reasons failure can occur on a day out for an adventure. Once we can identify trouble areas, we can create a plan for dealing with them.
Fatigue
When we don’t allow for adequate rest during our day out, fatigue can take a heavy toll. Fatigue can happen because of a poor night’s sleep, or not allowing enough rest during your adventure. When we are tired, our patience quickly wears thin, and we will snap a lot more easily.
Hunger
When the Hangry Beast rears its ugly head, your day can go sideways quickly. As a parent, I often forget to eat at the appropriate time, but our kids have schedules. We might feel fine pushing our adventure past the lunch hour, but our kids may not. Hunger can turn the most docile person into a very angry one in short order.
Lost Opportunity
We often see opportunities we can’t take advantage of. As an adult, we can quickly reconcile and learn from these experiences. Kids will quickly perceive any inherent unfairness in an opportunity they didn’t get and their anger and misbehavior can explode from there. Combined with other ingredients of failure, this can be a volatile combination.
Injury
Most day’s out I have a small first-aid kit packed in my bag, injuries happen. However, an injury can weigh heavily on our tally of things that define how well our day is going.
Argument
Disagreement happens, and a fight can take a big toll on your day out. At least one (if not all) of the involved parties will want to “get even” after an argument, leading to further arguments if you aren’t careful.
Now that we can identify our weak points, we can look at ways to work with them to turn our day around when failure starts to occur.
A Cascade of Solutions
When I think of how I’ll handle failure on a day out, I work my way backward from the “Nuclear Option” of calling it a day and going home and work my way down to simple distraction in order to keep the peace. Having these defined allows me to work through a list of options
Go Home
Leaving is your final option, but something you should be prepared to use in a calm and collected way should the need arise. In general, you don't want to threaten this action lightly, especially if you are not prepared to act.
Ideally, if things are getting to this point, you want to issue a couple of clear and calm matter-of-fact warnings leading up to this action. You also want to avoid using this as an ultimatum.
When someone is melting down, they tend to want to push all boundaries out of the way without thinking or caring about the consequences. The emotions that are taking over want to ignore respect for any and all boundaries.
If you do get to this point, you need to be very businesslike. In as calm a way as you can manage, give the first warning, a second warning, then call it a day and leave.
Don't change your mind and don't yell or lecture. This is a place where silence is one of the most influential tools in your arsenal. No entertainment on the way home; limit distractions. Let them think about what just happened to make the most profound impact.
Make it memorable without being hurtful. Make sure you can quickly reference it again in the future.
Time Out
Of course, we all know what a timeout is. However, the point of this exercise is not to exclude someone from your party to sit alone and calm down. This is an opportunity for your whole group to take the edge off, relax, and let go of some stress.
Once you recognize that either you or anyone else in your party is a bit on edge, repeatedly causing a bit of unwanted behavior, or looks a bit overtired, then this is your signal to take the chance to have some downtime.
Find a spot that's out of the way. It's usually not too hard to find a quiet spot in a larger venue if you are at a museum or bigger public space. If you can't find somewhere quiet, try getting your hand stamped for re-entry and go outside for a bit.
If you are out exploring or hiking, all you need is a place to sit (picnic blanket or bench), and a quiet, calming activity.
Asked the right way, most any kid or adult wouldn't mind spending some time coloring or drawing. Pick a topic, try doing a drawing study on the leaves changing colors. Sometimes it's easier to draw if someone else picks the topic for you. Don't just pull out the devices right away — save that as a last resort.
Try to make it a timeout without the connotation of punishment. This is the final opportunity to turn things around.
Stop For A Snack
More often than we would care to admit, our anger will stem from fatigue or hunger. Taking a quick pit-stop for a snack or even a drink can turn everything around. It doesn't matter if it's one you brought with you, or you stop off at a cafe - stopping for a snack is an easy way to shift the attitudes of your party.
Find A Distraction
Finding a distraction for the kids (or even the grumpy adult in your party) can work wonders. Sometimes all we need to get things to shape up is for something to take our mind off of what was bothering us in the first place. If we are grumpy, it quickly becomes all-consuming. A distraction allows us to focus some joy on something and take our irritable energy and put it elsewhere.
Designate A Task
At times it can help to find distraction through a single task. Focusing our energies on an assignment takes a lot of steam out of any bad attitude that has started.
You do have to get creative, and it can't just be some empty task. It has to have a reason and a purpose, maybe even a slight competition. Perhaps combine this with the snack mentioned above so that the winner gets to pick whatever they want (within reason), or pick first.
Let Them Lead The Way
There are times we can stick a map in our kid's hands and designate them as the leader. Let them decide where to go (with some guidance of course), help them see on the map where we are and what the attractions are. This is a great option it visiting a museum that you've visited dozens of times before. Giving them a little power and the chance to lead the day can quickly snap us out of a potentially angry day. Feeling powerless is often a factor in failure.
Wherever my adventures take me, I always consider an escape plan in the back of my head. Having a plan for failure gives us a greater chance of success in our adventures.
Want more tips for successfully getting out for family adventure with your family?
Adventures In Getting Out has dozens of clever tips and ideas for getting your adventure on the road?
Get your copy today!